Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Getting Ready--Or Not

I only have three months left of this pregnancy and I am not near ready. Mentally and emotionally, yes; but my two year old consumes me and I haven't even had a chance to think. We have at least bought the bunk beds for Bexley to move into, but they have been in the box in the garage for two weeks. No bedding has been purchased and the room where he is moving is full of "stuff". I really need to get on the ball.

Along with having baby #2 also comes daycare x2=scary. My wonderful husband has been so great about giving me the option of staying home. I think deep down he really wants me to, but then again he doesn't want us to have to change our lifestyle. We have been so blessed at such a young age. The decision has not yet been made and the emotional decision is the toughest. I love what I do and I love my kids. Many of them I just cannot leave behind. It will be a tough decision and one that will require a lot of prayer.

Baby boy #2 is doing great. He is a squirmer (if that's a word) for sure. He is constantly moving and I can only imagine the next months are going to get worse. I have done great on my weight gain---until now. I go to the doctor tomorrow and am terrified. According to several scales I have stepped on, which was my first mistake, I have seriously gained too much weight this month. Not to mention it is below freezing so the sweater and boots I'll have to wear tomorrow will only add additional pounds. Oh well, at least the baby is healthy and so am I!!!

Survival

We have survived it. The last of the firsts is past us; the first birthday without her, the first holidays without her and the anniversary of her death is now behind us. My sister Jennifer said it best, it is no longer the day she died, it is her Heavenly Birthday and we have survived it. Over the past year I have realized from so many people how important and special my mom was to them. I know how special she was and still is to me but I've also realized how awesome and amazing my father is. This past weekend, on the anniversary of my mom's death, she was awarded as the Childress Chamber of Commerce Woman of the Year. My father and sisters and I accepted the award in her memory and it was my father's courage to speak to the 100's of people present about my mom. One thing he said was that we are now living a new normal. Things will never be as they were; our normal will now be a new normal. He is so strong and I love him so much. You can read the full story here! http://www.childressindex.com/content.asp?ID=1&A=1096

Something extremely interesting happened to me on the way to work yesterday. I don't know if it was irony, coincidence or just simply God speaking to me. I was watching the clock on my car because I knew 8:50 AM would roll around soon. That was the approximate time of my mom's death. Well it did and at 8:53 AM, the song "I Can Only Imagine" came on the radio. This song was sung at my mom's funeral and has been very special to me and my family ever since. I couldn't believe it. I, of course, began to cry after trying to sing along. I had to call Jennifer and talk through it. I couldn't change the channel but nor could I listen to it. I don't know why that happened to me but it really was something special.

I want to say a special thank you to those who also remembered this weekend was a tough weekend for us, it means a lot that you also still remember. Thanks.

Monday, January 5, 2009

2008 is gone, whew. It was not that great of a year for us. It couldn't have started off any worse with the passing of my mom. It did get better just not easier. We all had birthday's to go through without her, and the birth of another grandchild. Pregnancies, holidays and daily questions only she could answer are still with us. My sisters and I declined to eat the traditional, supersticious black eyed pea given that it didn't do us much good last year. But we do have a lot to look forward to in 2009. There will be two grandbabies born this year. One of us (no names mentioned) will be the big 3-0, another will be turning 1. We will survive yet another year and thank God for what we do have and what he will bring to us this year.

Christmas was good. We started off at Brye's family for a few days and had a great time. Bexley had been there over a week and really enjoys being at his grandparents house, and Kemps house too. He got a basketball goal for Christmas and is really quite good. He takes after his mother. We left Amarillo (in the snow of course) and went to meet my family in Altus, OK. Dad didn't want to be at the house so we went to the cabin. It was neat to be there; we had a tree and lights to help make the place festive. The kids just love being there too. The hardest part was leaving.

For New Year's, Jennifer and Joey were here so I hosted the party. Not much of a "party" but we did have a great time playing Cranium, which took about three hours to accomplish with the humor of the brothers in law. Does anyone know how to spell "waltz" backward? Anyone? Brian? Jodi and Gooch came down New Year's Day and spent the day with all of us just hanging out watching football, enjoying family. The kids were sick of each other by the end of the day, but then turn around the next morning crying for each other. Even today Bexley was asking for Ky Ky.

Coming back to work was hard. Bex did not want to get up, neither did I. Nor did he want to stay at daycare. Case was there, but that didn't matter. Two weeks at home with Momma, or "mom" he now calls me, has spoiled him rotten.

In the midst of all the holiday festivities, life does have to be normal. I had a doctor's appointment on the 31st and to my surprise I only gained three pounds over the holidays!! Baby Carter is a little big for his age weighing a whopping 12 ounces!! I only have four months left of this pregnancy and about 12 months of work to do to get ready. It has flown by so fast. Am I really ready to be a mother of two?